Can you guess the #1 reason why most fights don’t end well?
Consider arguments you’ve had with your partner - is there one specific reason you can think of that causes conversations to get heated?
Now you’ve had a minute to think about this - I’ll share the news…
Up to 80% of adult couples outbursts, fights, or adult meltdowns are powerfully driven by HIDDEN UNCONSCIOUS DESIRES, YEARNINGS, and CHILDHOOD WOUNDS.
These memories are embedded in our bodies, sometimes even before we have any language, and they continue to live inside of us.
So, when we’re in distress, we experience threat as having the capacity to DESTROY us.
When we fall back into those states, into those memories, our fight, flight, or freeze response gets activated and it feels as though our LIFE DEPENDS on being heard and understood by our partner.
Is this feeling familiar to you?
In order to break and re-pattern the cycle of explosive disagreements, we have to put extensive effort into being mindful of ourselves and our past, so we can be open and honest with our partners.
Specifically, we need to:
Practice awareness of these desires, yearnings, and wounds.
Focus on being in a place of nonresistance.
Approach our partners being ready and receptive to communicate.
Knowing how to turn back towards each other after conflict is an art.
Often we have to do this multiple times within a conversation, and recommit to turning back towards each other - IN SPITE of our reflexes to avoid, withhold, retaliate or just give into feeling really hopeless and stop trying.
If you’d like to learn to be a more loving, attentive partner, but find yourself falling-back into destructive patterns despite your best intentions, then be sure to follow my Instagram page!
Until next time.