Ever regret saying something during an otherwise perfectly good moment between you & your love? If you’re human, I know there are times when it’s really hard to tame the impulse to criticize, control or nag your partner.
It’s even more difficult not to get super critical when you’re hurting, when you promise yourself you won’t let your mate get away with behavior that feels unacceptable, or when you’re anxious about something.
I’m not suggesting that you should accept your partner’s unreasonable or hurtful behavior; However, you’ve probably noticed by now that as human beings we make split second decisions about our partner’s intentions that are often TOTALLY INCORRECT.
For example, My client Melanie who used to criticize & reject her husband for “just wanting sex” every time he genuinely expressed affection towards her.
Or Wade, who tenderly told his wife Lisa how much he loves her while they were enjoying a delicious meal he prepared. Her response? She recoiled and told him that if he truly loved her he’d be more sensitive and offer more help during the kids’ bedtime routines. While her request was completely valid, her timing was harsh.
Is this YOUR time to confidently move past the criticism & blame cycle and restore trust and heartfelt connection in YOUR MARRIAGE?
It was definitely time for Shawn & Tom. The day their 5 year old daughter looked at them with concerned eyes and said: ”You're not talking nice to mommy, now she’s about to cry” was heartbreaking; However, it pushed them to make a DECISION to seek support so they could finally stop the cycle of hurt and become great role models.
Most parents are well intentioned, but many of us mis-direct snarky remarks at our partners when WE are fearful, filled with our own self-doubt, or are trying to fend-off disappointment based on our past experience as children.
If you have an otherwise solid relationship but you sometimes have trouble speaking directly about your feelings, communicating your needs and desires without being critical or you find yourself nagging your partner, then I invite you to reach out to me today to see how we can work on this together.