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  • Writer's pictureMa'ayan Greenbaum

Is your marriage stuck in “replay mode”?

You may have heard that mother & baby pairs {and father-baby pairs} “mutually-regulate” each other. This means that babies and caregivers create a rhythm or a container together in which their moods, stress-levels and their most fundamental sense of themselves are continuously being influenced by one another. When things go smoothly, parent and baby feel connected, are in “flow.” They both feel relatively safe, good inside and good together. On the other hand, when the familiar rhythm is disrupted by danger, strong feelings of rage, shame, helplessness or loss of control the whole system becomes “dysregulated” leaving BOTH parent and baby feeling helpless, chaotic and out of control. It’s as if baby & parent share the same “bundle-of-nerves”. I also like to point out that baby & parent are constantly creating and responding within a shared energetic field or vibration.

Our defaults for processing and being with our feelings and sensations (and subsequently our attachment patterns) develop INSIDE this relational field, associated with the right hemisphere of our brain by the age of 18 months. These templates and patterns are remembered and stored outside of awareness in the form of body sensations, images, emotions and kinesthetic memory.

In our adult intimate relationship, these implicit, right hemisphere memories become re-activated. They form a blueprint or template for what we can expect from our adult partner, what’s safe and what isn’t and how we can best protect ourselves from attack or disconnection. In our families of origin, our relationship blueprints most likely served us well, but they may be outdated, misguided or limiting when it comes to relating with our mate. If you’ve ever found yourself reflexively repeating the same patterns with your partner and feeling hopeless or stuck, listen closely:

Becoming conscious of your early relationship patterning and honoring its origins is the first step towards understanding why your reactions feel so automatic & visceral; why your intimate relationship often feels it’s in “replay mode” AND…. how you can expand beyond your previously limiting assumptions so that you can create new and exciting possibilities with your partner!

If this was valuable to you, comment & share your takeaways below!

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