90% of couples I work with say their biggest challenge is communication. The problem is, what they communicate in words only represents a tiny fraction of their underlying hidden expectations and hopes.
For example, my clients Jennifer & Tom (not their real names) used to fall into destructive cycles of blame even when they were super mindful about using “I statements.”
Up until recently, their true needs and secret hopes didn’t stand a chance of being known or lovingly responded to - and the biggest challenge? Jennifer & Tom’s underlying needs and desires were hidden from themselves, tucked away from their own awareness.
That's why my approach is focused on helping you unearth and honor your own personal history, the promises you made to yourself long ago, and the parts of you that have gone ‘underground’ in an effort to stay safe in your family when you were a child.
If you’ve ever gotten stuck in “replay mode”, repeating the same argument over and over again with your partner; Or, if you’ve ever felt frustrated that your honest attempts at communicating with your partner didn’t do more for you, then you know that communication skills are not actually ENOUGH to create the true, lasting change you want in your relationship.
In fact, things only began to turn around for Jennifer & Tom when they were finally willing to look at what was fueling their exhausting arguments in the first place. Instead of getting defensive & going around in circles, they began having heartfelt vulnerable conversations.
Now, instead of turning the other way when they go to sleep, they see so much love, comfort and possibility in each other’s eyes.
Because here's the thing...
Conflict and disappointment serve a purpose. Rather than allowing the power-struggles with our partners to contract our hearts – our pain truly has the potential to propel us towards the best version of ourselves.
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