Every argument with your partner contains a secret wish for growth!
Were you intrigued by the title? Okay then, let’s talk this through…
Our relationship with our intimate partner can re-awaken the rejected parts of ourselves that have gone ‘underground’, that are yearning to be seen, known, loved, cherished and integrated.
However, we also risk tremendous disappointment (or even rage) if we share these parts of ourselves and our partner does not respond positively to our delicate, fledgling strivings.
Intimate partners unconsciously look to one another to validate and ‘grow’ the parts of themselves they could not acknowledge, experience, or express in their families of origin.
While relationships can potentially be catalysts for these sacred developmental tasks, they can also become stifling or outright damaging.
Unfortunately, most couples don’t see what’s truly driving their arguments and instead, get stuck in endless cycles of defensiveness, withdrawal, or angry demand.
Some partners become so disillusioned and filled with contempt that they give up in hopeless resignation.
I was speaking to a dear client recently, who feels so hurt by her partner’s passive-aggressive remarks and feels so misperceived, that it’s really hard for her to see a way forward.
Have you been here before?
The good news is that it’s never too late to turn things around - to get meaningful support and to acknowledge what the real struggle is actually about.
To start re-patterning your arguments into opportunities for growth, consider the following next time you’re triggered:
Consider what’s ACTUALLY causing you pain. Is it being caused now or is it from the past?
Consider what you're ACTUALLY fighting for.
What do you need to GROW from this experience?
How can you EXPRESS your worries and needs to your partner, without putting them down?
So many of the couples I’ve worked with are amazed at how hopeful, expansive, and ALIVE they feel again when they take a stand for their own and one another’s growth.
If you’d like to learn to be a more loving, attentive partner but find yourself falling back into destructive patterns despite your best intentions, then be sure to follow my Instagram page!