• Ma'ayan Greenbaum

Why letting things “blow-over” in your marriage might blow-up

Have you ever stopped yourself from telling your partner you’re upset about something because you didn’t want to spoil the good mood or rock the boat?


In those moments, do the words get stuck in your throat because you can't bring yourself to speak them?


Up to 75% of my clients used to worry that bringing things up with their partner wouldn’t be worth their energy, or worse - they feared the situation would deteriorate leaving them not only UPSET but also ALONE.


The problem is that even though “letting things blow over” or “sweeping them under the rug” may appear to keep things safe in the moment, this strategy is damaging to relationships in the long-run.


Moreover, defaulting to passive resentment or silent resignation is likely to hurt your relationship with YOURSELF and will slowly erode your ability to trust yourself in love.


Here’s a list of some of the reasons that have kept many of my clients from bringing their upsets up more directly with their spouses:

  • Fear of being criticized, attacked or dismissed

  • Feelings of guilt about “being too much” or being “selfish”

  • Feelings of unworthiness or self-doubt

  • Worry about the conversation escalating into a huge argument

  • Feelings of awkwardness

But what I often find underneath, is an unconscious (yet profoundly powerful) fear that goes something like this:


“If I speak my truth, my partner might abandon me and I’ll be left alone with my suffering.”


I want to share some powerful affirmations to help you deepen your connection with yourself AND your partner (even if you’re upset):

  • I honor my truths and my feelings matter to me. I have faith that my partner also cares deeply about my feelings.

  • I am safe and cared for, even when my partner doesn’t see things my way. I trust that our relationship can tolerate big feelings and that we’re still connected.

  • I’m committed to standing up for myself without putting my partner down.

  • The more I practice, the better I get at understanding what’s underneath my resentment and what I need to feel heard, loved and seen.

  • It feels amazing to give myself the gift of witnessing my feelings, wishes and desires in ways that also deepen and enrich my bond with my partner.

Just remember, these affirmations are starting points - feel free to write them in your own words so that they sound authentic to you.


You can say them silently - or, if you’re looking for a really powerful way to lift your vibration (and boost your confidence) you can say them outloud in front of the mirror.


I’d love for you to comment below and tell me:

What keeps you from speaking up when you’re upset and what are your favorite affirmations?

43 views

Dr. Ma’ayan Greenbaum is a NJ and NY licensed clinical psychologist. Her psychotherapy practice in Livingston, NJ is dedicated to working within the interfacing spheres of relationships, sexuality, fertility and parenthood.

RECEIVE MY NEWSLETTERS IN YOUR INBOX

124 East Mt Pleasant Avenue, Livingston, NJ 07039