Disappointment in love is inevitable & why it doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong partner
Every healthy relationship will inevitably cycle between experiences of connection, disconnection, and repair. Even the most mature and satisfying of relationships will inevitably bring with it three distinct experiences – harmony (think safe, expansive comfort, flow, creativity, togetherness), disharmony (disconnection, psychic pain), and hopefully – repair so that connection and safety can be restored.
Our first experiences of love & pain with our mother and father lay the foundation for what we later assume and expect in our close relationships. Relational neuropsychology and infant development research have taught us that the early, moment-to-moment interactions between baby and caregiver literally spur the baby’s developing brain to grow new neural pathways. Our earliest interactions with our mother and father imprinted us with fundamental lessons about who we are at our core and what it takes to successfully navigate relationships (including, our relationship with ourselves!)
However, even the most well intentioned and resourceful parent will frustrate us and inevitably disappoint us simply because they are human and cannot possibly live up to our idealized, fantasized -version of an ideal perfect parent.
The pain of growing-up often entails making-peace with the parents we had (celebrating all they gave and grieving what they couldn’t offer us).
So too, in long-term relationships our partners will disappoint, hurt and misunderstand us. There will be a gap between the longed-for ideal lover we imagined and our real, human, imperfect partner. It is crucial that we learn to make room for these disappointments - even disillusionment - in order to restore connection and continue to evolve our possibilities in love.
Join my Facebook group 'Couples Creating Conscious Connection' to be surrounded by support while you learn to evolve your relationship.