You may have heard that mother & baby pairs {and father-baby pairs} “mutually regulate” each other.
This means that babies and caregivers create a rhythm or a container together in which their moods, stress-levels, and their most fundamental sense of themselves are continuously being influenced by one another.
When things go smoothly, parent and baby feel connected, and are in “flow.” They both feel relatively safe, good inside, and good together.
On the other hand, when the familiar rhythm is disrupted by danger, strong feelings of rage, shame, helplessness, or loss of control the whole system becomes “dysregulated” leaving BOTH parent and baby feeling helpless, chaotic, and out of control.
It’s as if baby & parent share the same “bundle-of-nerves”.
Our defaults for processing and being with our feelings and sensations (and subsequently our attachment patterns) develop INSIDE this relational field, associated with the right hemisphere of our brain by the age of 18 months.
These templates and patterns are remembered and stored outside of awareness in the form of body sensations, images, emotions, and kinesthetic memory.
In our adult intimate relationship, these implicit, right hemisphere memories become re-activated.
They form a blueprint or template for what we can expect from our adult partner, what’s safe and what isn’t, and how we can best protect ourselves from attack or disconnection.
Becoming conscious of your early relationship patterning and honoring its origins is the first step towards understanding why your reactions feel so automatic & visceral; why your intimate relationship often feels like it’s in “replay mode”.
In my practice, I guide my clients in expanding beyond their previously limiting assumptions, so they can create new and exciting possibilities with their partners!
Sound like something you want? 🤔
If you’d like to learn to be a more loving, attentive partner, but find yourself falling back into destructive patterns despite your best intentions, then be sure to follow my Instagram page!